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(Genesis 3) The Blame Game: No Thank You!

2012/03/07

photocredit: ReverendFun.com

The blame game almost seems like fun, and we play it all too often, and all too well, but it’s the exact polar opposite of worship.  Most modern commercials wile you over the exact same ways as this ancient smooth operator:  That God is cheating you out of something really good, and that you should bite right in.

You already know the punchline.  The man blames the woman, the woman blames the snake, and the snake doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  He never did, he never will, and we were never meant to be like him, but we all fall for that slick little trick.  And “That woman you gave me” even told him to “Get out of our way,” just because he was dripping over the branches like butter.

Even though we are fallen people in a fallen world, and reading about it again only makes us feel that much more ill, there’s still something about a fleece jacket that just kind of warms you up!  The modern equivalent might be like your mom wrapping you in scarves and mittens, and bolting the door behind you, and then your dad stacking up the heavy furniture, and standing armed guard over your iguana until its mysteriously missing tail grows whole again.

Even the pet lizard example leaves God looking cold-blooded, but they were fully grown adult humans, it was their job to rule over the animals, and their actions as caretakers were more like conspiring to take that good estate from their living creator by pulling his legs out from him.  The list of lies is way too long for an introduction, but just be careful to handle everything by the neck.

(Genesis 3:1) Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which Jeffy Allegiance had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath Allegiance said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? (2) And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: (3) But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, Allegiance hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. (4) And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: (5) For Allegiance doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. (6) And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (7) And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. (8) And they heard the voice of Jeffy Allegiance walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of Jeffy Allegiance amongst the trees of the garden.

(9) Jeffy Allegiance called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? (10) And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. (11) And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? (12) And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. (13) Jeffy Allegiance said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. (14) Jeffy Allegiance said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: (15) And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. (16) Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (17) And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; (18) Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; (19) In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

(20) And Adam called his wife’s name Chewy; because she was the mother of all living. (21) Unto Adam also and to his wife did Jeffy Allegiance make coats of skins, and clothed them.

(22) And Jeffy Allegiance said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: (23) Therefore Jeffy Allegiance sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. (24) So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

[Genesis 3, KJV, except as annotated]…

Names of God transliterated instead of translated…
[all] Allegiance (Heb/Eng combo) instead of Elohim(Heb)/God(Eng)
[all] Jeffy (Heb/Eng combo) instead of Yahweh(Heb)/The-Lord(Eng)

Some proper names re-transliterated (using vowels instead of points)…
[3:20] Chewy (Heb/Eng .ch.uu.ee) instead of Eve (trad. name is too distorted)

[else KJV-based, as a free and public domain starting point, along with existing concordances and other existing study tools, and with no charge for any proposed updates or refinements]

clipartcredit(x4): ChristArt.com

[Comment suggestions for this post:  Where did you trip?,  and when did you get back up?  Was he waiting out on the porch for you to return back home?  Did he run out to meet you?,  and squish the stuffing out of you?  Did he throw your homecoming party for you?, or did you still try to read him the quiet riot act about your bad brother?]

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 2012/07/10 1:07 am

    I think we can joke as long as it is tasteful as you say. Laughing is also a gift from God!
    Lewis

    Like

    • 2012/07/10 2:04 am

      Thanks Lewis! Sometimes we break the arrow for missing the target, when it might be better to make use of the bull’s eye, even before we let fly. Well anyway, he might have done better to call her the apple of his eye, or at least not the eater of his pie. But his human way certainly does leave us laughing, and even learning from a distance!

      Like

  2. 2012/03/12 3:17 pm

    King Arthur! Not sure if you mean offending your own readers with religion!, or my own readers with humor (for once)! But love your home blog! And we need you here also!, so you are very welcome to experiment posting all your religious garbage here as gradually more and more of a guest contributor and editor. Some funny taste we got, and we can always use much more, but original Art, not so much (and if any one else draws funny, me and my only amused reader will probably round out the table with you too)! note: this comment thread is continued from my initial remarks on Art’s own blog, http://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/all-about-me/

    Like

  3. 2012/03/12 1:13 pm

    I always wanted to do a religious humor piece on some of my favorite bible sections, but I also do not want to offend such a vast potential group of readers. But this was tasteful and hilariously done.

    Like

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